Hi there, it’s me, your potential new partner. Here I am in my default photo-a cropped group shot-reasonably dressed in business-casual attire, enjoying a modestly priced beer. It appears I have a job and maintain a fulfilling social life with a respectable group of friends. I am of lean build, sport just the right amount of stubble, and look to be five-eleven, maybe a full six feet. Not too shabby, definitely worth at least one date. Please go ahead and swipe to my next photo.
SURPRISE, I’m some sort of outdoorsman now! Here I am on a boat with a big awful beard. Also, I look ten years older and essentially unemployable. It seems I got a tattoo of a fish on my forearm since the previous photo was taken. I kind of look like that first guy, but something is . . . off. I appear to have grown an entirely different head of hair, and this one is way worse. On the plus side, I have become extremely muscular. I guess I’m full of surprises-not a bad trait in a partner 😉 Go ahead and swipe on.
Ta-da! I’m overweight now and my eyes have changed color and yet I am definitely the same guy. This is a blurry selfie I took with a Webcam-the type of photo that the user always uploads twice in a row for some reason. I looked like I was in my late twenties before but now I could be anywhere between eighteen and thirty-six. It might just be a weird angle, but either way you are confused.
Well, this is just getting frustrating, because here’s a group photo taken in a night club and none of the guys in it look like any of the guys in the last three photos. Continue reading “It’s Me, the Guy on Your Dating App Who Looks Different in Every Photo”